in search of silence...

these last few days my mind has felt noisy...i have found it difficult to focus on the positive. this dissatisfaction welling up within. my*SELF getting in the way of myself. AGAIN. i took a moment last night while sitting with sean on our front step naming the positives and attempting to find a clearer picture of what it is that creates this restlessness. this need for change. i am quite sure much of this turmoil has little to do with where i am at geographically, and much more to do with my heart. i do believe that location can indeed affect us...but fundamentally, when it comes down to it, the attitude we choose to have towards our surroundings, the people in our lives, our circumstances, hold so much more importance. i know in the past when i have deliberately made time for prayerful silence amidst the business of my day, despite the chaos within my mind...there i have found peace. i am re-reading a book, POUSTINIA by Catherine de Hueck Doherty, which has been lost in my basement for the last several years. it focuses on this topic. below are a few of my favorite excerpts from the book.

"It is because man is fundamentally spirit-open to the absolute of the Divine-that he is always dissatisfied, in one manner or another, with all created reality. Nature is not divine. It is only a sign of God, a cry toward God."

"True silence is the search of man for God. True silence is a suspension bridge that a soul in love with God builds to cross the dark, frightening gullies of its own mind, the strange chasms of temptation, the depth-less precipices of its own fears that impede it's way to God."

"But how, really, can one achieve such solitude? By standing still! Stand still, and allow the strange, deadly restlessness of our tragic age to fall away like the worn-out, dusty cloak that it is-a cloak that was once considered the magic carpet to tomorrow, but now in reality we see it for what it is: a running away from oneself, a turning from that journey inward that all men must undertake to meet God dwelling within the depths of their souls."

for as long as i can remember autumn has always felt like a new beginning to me...despite the leaves falling and dying, despite the knowledge that cold months of winter are near. maybe it's because i am a winter person. i long for that first blanket of snow, cozy mornings snuggled up with milo & a cup of tea on the couch. it is my intent to seek out more moments of silence in my days, to allow my mind to rest and to see where this new season takes me.