one year, how quickly it has passed. a year ago today I slept in a hospital room, my newborn baby sleeping all alone in an incubator across the hospital...23 days passed by more slowly than this year in it's entirety awaiting the word that sweet milo was ready to come home. and now, we are here....so very thankful for this life, this blessing.

this blog has been tucked away for quite some time...much has changed. since starting my food blog i have decided to unearth this one as well. sean suggested recently that i write again, as it seems to be a good outlet for pent up thoughts for me. i am also hoping to re*kindle my artistic self & begin to paint & create again. i suppose i should also admit that sadly, my nails are re-bitten...
i will write again soon...now i must sleep, something i find rather difficult, i am not sure starting a new blog & reviving an old one in the very same week are helping much :)

i am slowly going crazy 1-2-3-4-5-6-switch... crazy slowly am i going 6-5-4-3-2-1-switch.

i feel as tho i cannot seem to get it together...being home and having more time is brilliant....but not so much when i feel as tho i accomplish nothing. i am back in that place where i don’t feel productive enough and altho the stress of too many jobs no longer weighs on me...i seem to stress about my lack of jobs just as much. i wish to relax...to sit back and take this time for me. i need it. i feel as tho it would be beneficial to make a plan....a *me* plan. a plan of action to accomplish all that i was unable to when i was so busy. the problem lies in my being unable to take things one step @ a time and i wind up going crazy wishing i could just get everything done all @ once. impossible i know.

change. the time is now.

just a little update. i still have not bitten my nails.....and truly i am amazed @ how all of a sudden i just don’t do it anymore. i feel as tho i have conquered something grand. if you bite your nails i think you will understand....if not, you may not. my nails have never been this long in all my life. not EVER. last night i had a horrible dream...more of a nightmare really in which my nails just started tearing off and peeling and looked exactly as they did before even tho i had not started biting them again.....YIKES. it has now been close to 6 weeks i think which leads me to believe that i have in fact kicked the habit.

impressive i know : )

for as long as i can remember i, ranae janelle have been a nail biter. i think i may have stopped once when i was younger for just a few days and then just before our wedding mostly because i had such a bad cold sore on my lip that i simply could not bear to bring my fingers to my mouth. today, it has been 2 weeks and 5 days since i last bit my nails. they seem very long altho not long @ all and i am VERY pleased with myself. this ceasing of the biting is a direct result of myself coming into contact with something that i am pretty sure was poo while i was in an undisclosed bathroom. the thought of what may be lurking underneath of my stubby bitten nails @ any given moment has not since left my mind and the nail biting has become a thing of the past. i am hoping that it will there remain. i’ll keep you posted.

acute and painful. we all feel it, differently and yet the same. our humanity is entwined with it. experiences that change us...eyes open, seeing things in a different light. i am realizing that these last years have been laden with loss....close friends, mentors, our little one. with each loss, the others are brought forth & the feeling remains fresh. these losses......loved ones, friends, things hoped for.... are life altering. i am ever thankful for a world created by God filled with others who have experienced such things. for friends who gather around and support & understand in times of need, for a God who cares enough to make this so and remains present thru it all.....giving us the ability to move forward with eyes open, being able to see clearly the light ahead.

love. i am an auntie to sophia eden & SO incredibly proud of my beautiful little sister.

it has been far too long since i have written anything. it goes in spurts it would seem.....when i first started to put thoughts down in this way i did it often, and i remember it being a good thing...a place to let things go. to share.....and then came scotland followed by a good*bye to my home of almost 4 years, back to my growing up home....a home that doesn’t always feel like it is mine. *adjustment* i have found life in alberta to be busy & with this i let go of any aspirations i once may have had to keep up with something of this sort. but, i am here now with this, a brand new page & a significantly less busy schedule . all set.