j u s t a g l i m p s e .

2012-01-03T18:46:00.000-08:00

my posts are random and few and far between, but i like it here.

a place to hold my words when they surface...

it's a new year. it is my deepest desire to create more in these coming days.

i fear sometimes that years go by and these thoughts, these ideas lay trapped within me.

i feel better when i create...an outlet for energy that burns within. other things fill the void, the baking of bread...attempting ambitious recipes, small creations.

but there is so much more. i feel it.

i have a painting that i began almost 3 years ago. a wedding gift for dear friends that remains unfinished on an easel a top the china cabinet in my dining room. this IS the year. the year of it's completion and i hope the beginning and the completion of many more works of art.

i'd like to try new things, perhaps take a workshop or two.

i am excited.

the desire to paint is always within me but i think it has been ever increasing over the last several months. i am feeling more at home here (as mentioned in a previous post), than i have since the year i arrived back in this little town in 2004. i am inspired by the creativity of so many in this little town & surrounding areas. i am also noticing how breathtaking my surroundings are...
seriously.
we drove to rosebud a few days ago and i just couldn't shut up about it. the flaxen stubble of crops long gone still showing, so striking against the back drop of glorious blue.

i am loving the weather this winter. it was so mild over the holidays, so many days with temperatures in the +. it made the fact that my sister was celebrating christmas in cuba much more bearable. :)

visits with friends, time with family. having sean home. a truly joyful christmas season.

looking forward with great anticipation to what 2012 may hold....AND planning a shopping trip for new art supplies!

in the meantime, i am feeling somewhat obsessed with sketchbook mobile! my new header was created using the app. feeling sufficiently outlet-ed for the evening. :)

2011-10-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

between the dreaming & the coming true...

i love making plans. i love having plans. dreams for the future. quite often i have many on the go all @ the same time. ideas and thoughts involving life across the globe or of life right here. some far-fetched, others perfectly feasible. dreams of life in a yurt near the mountains....or, perhaps the ocean, ooooooh...even costa rica?... dreams of adding a new basement & an upstairs loft onto our current home, building a studio in our garage & having all the time in the world to paint & create to my hearts content, living somewhere where sean can use his welding ticket to create as well...building motorcycles in a bike shop in california perhaps? you may as well dream big if you're going to dream. dreams of running a coffee shop with my brother in law, going to art school, becoming a doula, a mid wife, a massage therapist or a chef! owning a coffee shop, baking all sorts of delicious things to share with the world...

there are more i am sure, new ones pop up daily : )

sean always knows that i am feeling antsy when i'm up 'til all hours of the night looking at properties near & far on mls and google earth-ing the ones that i fall in love with.

it's funny tho...this year for the first time in many, i feel more content than i have in ages. more secure in the plans God has for our little family. a peace that has not always been close. in His time, whether near or far. i am where i am.

these dreams...these plans, that once drove me crazy with discontent no longer do so. i suppose that could change, but for now i am content here. here in my cozy home, in three hills, alberta. the future could find us ANYWHERE and this is a very exciting thought...

2011-09-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

m&m

2011-09-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

sweet bella bean, all set for school.

2011-09-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

2011 and my 7th year being back "home" in three hills. HOME. i still have those moments where it does not seem so, altho i am realizing they have been less frequent than they once were. i am blessed by so much here in our small town home, truly wonderful friends, a grammie & papa who are near and always up for a visit from the wee milo if we need them (a HUGE blessing!!!), a steady and well paying job for sean that allows us certain flexibilities that we wouldn't have if he was working elsewhere...i find it so easy sometimes to get caught up in negative thoughts, not choosing to see clearly all of this amazing-ness that surrounds me each and every day...amazing-ness, yes i am aware...not a word....but seriously. amazing, and something i have been making a more concerted effort to notice throughout the day. i am surrounded and supported by a network of unbelievable friends, new & old who are always willing to lend a hand, a video camera, hot rollers, a gps, whatever it is that may be needed @ any given moment.....haha. those middle one's were very specific THANKS ERIN, you saved my life more than once this summer! social networking, a brilliant tool for getting your hands on things you need in mere moments.
this summer was one filled to the very brim with events. 6 weddings, a family reunion, a new niece AND a new nephew. that's a lot! along with these events came the joy of reuniting with old friends and the pain of saying goodbye when things came to a close. our home had an open door and our spare rooms were full for a majority of the summer. i thoroughly enjoy having guests. sharing meals and conversation.

c o m m u n i t y .

yet another positive to social networking, friends.....scattered across the globe, still close. i often think about how amazing it would have been had we had such things while growing up. skyping with grandparents, facebooking cousins from afar...i did have pen pals. and, I LOVED having pen pals. likely why facebook & such has been such a positive thing in my life. i am thankful for every friend near and far. thankful for skype and being able to see my dear friend ang's face while she sits @ her computer in israel & i at mine, here in our home town of three hills. i am thankful for my cell phone and daily text's from erica. ha. i hadn't meant for this post to turn into an ode to social media and technology : )
i currently await sean's arrival home from an evening shift @ the plant.

tomorrow is a new day...

a new day in this place i call HOME.

a glimpse of my g l o b a l c o m m u n i t y .

st stephen. ft mcmurray. tel aviv. three hills.

2011-09-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

my milo bean.

2011-09-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

in search of silence...

these last few days my mind has felt noisy...i have found it difficult to focus on the positive. this dissatisfaction welling up within. my*SELF getting in the way of myself. AGAIN. i took a moment last night while sitting with sean on our front step naming the positives and attempting to find a clearer picture of what it is that creates this restlessness. this need for change. i am quite sure much of this turmoil has little to do with where i am at geographically, and much more to do with my heart. i do believe that location can indeed affect us...but fundamentally, when it comes down to it, the attitude we choose to have towards our surroundings, the people in our lives, our circumstances, hold so much more importance. i know in the past when i have deliberately made time for prayerful silence amidst the business of my day, despite the chaos within my mind...there i have found peace. i am re-reading a book, POUSTINIA by Catherine de Hueck Doherty, which has been lost in my basement for the last several years. it focuses on this topic. below are a few of my favorite excerpts from the book.

"It is because man is fundamentally spirit-open to the absolute of the Divine-that he is always dissatisfied, in one manner or another, with all created reality. Nature is not divine. It is only a sign of God, a cry toward God."

"True silence is the search of man for God. True silence is a suspension bridge that a soul in love with God builds to cross the dark, frightening gullies of its own mind, the strange chasms of temptation, the depth-less precipices of its own fears that impede it's way to God."

"But how, really, can one achieve such solitude? By standing still! Stand still, and allow the strange, deadly restlessness of our tragic age to fall away like the worn-out, dusty cloak that it is-a cloak that was once considered the magic carpet to tomorrow, but now in reality we see it for what it is: a running away from oneself, a turning from that journey inward that all men must undertake to meet God dwelling within the depths of their souls."

for as long as i can remember autumn has always felt like a new beginning to me...despite the leaves falling and dying, despite the knowledge that cold months of winter are near. maybe it's because i am a winter person. i long for that first blanket of snow, cozy mornings snuggled up with milo & a cup of tea on the couch. it is my intent to seek out more moments of silence in my days, to allow my mind to rest and to see where this new season takes me.

2009-12-30T00:52:00.000-08:00

once again, i am not sleeping. thoughts swirling in my brain not quite being able to sort them all out. this does not happen every night but quite often it is the case. i think it's catching up to me. so much has happened since i last wrote. our move which unfortunately involved the moving of many boxes of "garbage" from our old, into our new basement. a place that i am fervently hoping will not be a permanent one. i suppose i will need to do more than hope in order to make this a reality : ) we are loving this new space, a place to call our own. it is older and has it's quirks but also a charm that i find rare in these parts. my thoughts often turn to far off places that still i miss but for now i am trying to live right here, where i am for however long this remains my home...thankful for good friends old and new with whom we share this life. i stumbled across a new blog today and after being fully engrossed in her posts, glanced at her profile to realize that she too is from new brunswick and this made me happy indeed. the photo i posted is of a pencil drawing i did while in scotland in 2003. my brain was very full of thought @ the time & i was having a hard time putting said thought into words, not unlike how i feel tonight.

2009-05-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

i tend to complicate things...a yearning for a life less so. simplicity. we have decided to purchase a home, our first and make the move into town. i am excited for new...for something all our own. it is my intent to make said move bringing as little junk as possible, packing only what is necessary...starting anew. thus far whenever i have moved i have brought with me boxes & suitcases of what most would consider garbage...thinking i would sort thru it once i had the chance. these boxes remain in hidden corners never having been sorted. my office is a disaster, no work space to speak of....stacks of paper, books....more garbage. excess. it is my desire to have less. to create more. to live a life more simple. i have spent the last 5 years un~willing to admit that three hills may in fact be home...discontent brought on by the digging in of my heels against it. i am unsure really of the origin of these feelings. coming back to three hills....my childhood home....a place with so many memories, the good and the bad. a place where many have left and many still remain. old friends, new friends. i know it to be true that when away, i miss here. but as i have traveled and settled and planted roots in other places there is always missing. as we begin to prepare for our move i am excited. prospects of a home all our own....making it our very own. our first home. a place in which our little family can grow and settle for however long that may be.

2009-05-09T23:45:00.000-07:00

one year, how quickly it has passed. a year ago today I slept in a hospital room, my newborn baby sleeping all alone in an incubator across the hospital...23 days passed by more slowly than this year in it's entirety awaiting the word that sweet milo was ready to come home. and now, we are here....so very thankful for this life, this blessing.

2009-03-26T00:14:00.000-07:00

this blog has been tucked away for quite some time...much has changed. since starting my food blog i have decided to unearth this one as well. sean suggested recently that i write again, as it seems to be a good outlet for pent up thoughts for me. i am also hoping to re*kindle my artistic self & begin to paint & create again. i suppose i should also admit that sadly, my nails are re-bitten...
i will write again soon...now i must sleep, something i find rather difficult, i am not sure starting a new blog & reviving an old one in the very same week are helping much :)

2007-09-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

i am slowly going crazy 1-2-3-4-5-6-switch... crazy slowly am i going 6-5-4-3-2-1-switch.

i feel as tho i cannot seem to get it together...being home and having more time is brilliant....but not so much when i feel as tho i accomplish nothing. i am back in that place where i don’t feel productive enough and altho the stress of too many jobs no longer weighs on me...i seem to stress about my lack of jobs just as much. i wish to relax...to sit back and take this time for me. i need it. i feel as tho it would be beneficial to make a plan....a *me* plan. a plan of action to accomplish all that i was unable to when i was so busy. the problem lies in my being unable to take things one step @ a time and i wind up going crazy wishing i could just get everything done all @ once. impossible i know.

change. the time is now.

2007-09-17T16:13:00.000-07:00

just a little update. i still have not bitten my nails.....and truly i am amazed @ how all of a sudden i just don’t do it anymore. i feel as tho i have conquered something grand. if you bite your nails i think you will understand....if not, you may not. my nails have never been this long in all my life. not EVER. last night i had a horrible dream...more of a nightmare really in which my nails just started tearing off and peeling and looked exactly as they did before even tho i had not started biting them again.....YIKES. it has now been close to 6 weeks i think which leads me to believe that i have in fact kicked the habit.

impressive i know : )

2007-08-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

for as long as i can remember i, ranae janelle have been a nail biter. i think i may have stopped once when i was younger for just a few days and then just before our wedding mostly because i had such a bad cold sore on my lip that i simply could not bear to bring my fingers to my mouth. today, it has been 2 weeks and 5 days since i last bit my nails. they seem very long altho not long @ all and i am VERY pleased with myself. this ceasing of the biting is a direct result of myself coming into contact with something that i am pretty sure was poo while i was in an undisclosed bathroom. the thought of what may be lurking underneath of my stubby bitten nails @ any given moment has not since left my mind and the nail biting has become a thing of the past. i am hoping that it will there remain. i’ll keep you posted.

2007-08-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

acute and painful. we all feel it, differently and yet the same. our humanity is entwined with it. experiences that change us...eyes open, seeing things in a different light. i am realizing that these last years have been laden with loss....close friends, mentors, our little one. with each loss, the others are brought forth & the feeling remains fresh. these losses......loved ones, friends, things hoped for.... are life altering. i am ever thankful for a world created by God filled with others who have experienced such things. for friends who gather around and support & understand in times of need, for a God who cares enough to make this so and remains present thru it all.....giving us the ability to move forward with eyes open, being able to see clearly the light ahead.

2007-06-28T20:41:00.000-07:00

love. i am an auntie to sophia eden & SO incredibly proud of my beautiful little sister.

2006-02-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

it has been far too long since i have written anything. it goes in spurts it would seem.....when i first started to put thoughts down in this way i did it often, and i remember it being a good thing...a place to let things go. to share.....and then came scotland followed by a good*bye to my home of almost 4 years, back to my growing up home....a home that doesn’t always feel like it is mine. *adjustment* i have found life in alberta to be busy & with this i let go of any aspirations i once may have had to keep up with something of this sort. but, i am here now with this, a brand new page & a significantly less busy schedule . all set.